today's "should I buy a pile of Torchwood audio dramas" spiral

[thewrongkindofpc]

So having covid is going well, both in the sense that I think I've got a fairly mild case of it and in the sense that I definitely still have it, which I do not love. I keep thinking that maybe today is the day when I will break the cycle and actually write something, but no, I keep instead zoning out on incomprehensible internet-scrolling rabbit holes, and then breaking that off to watch TV and knit socks with housemates, because our whole household is Unwell. At least, the last couple of days, I've been getting myself out into the garden to do at least one small gardening task every day and also get some sunshine, so that I don't whither up and blow away with the wind.

But, so, today I had my computer out, faking like maybe I was going to open a document and stick some words in it, and instead I ended up watching a few old favorite vids, including XandraVids's Torchwood vids (found here: https://www.youtube.com/c/XandraVids/videos), which are such perfect thesis statements about what was so great about the show for me, because whatever whatever whatever, I'm sick, I get to indulge in cheesy old fandoms if I want to.

So I watched those, and then I got sidetracked picking out which of the new audio dramas I want but won't buy unless I get the fancy new job I was supposed to interview for this week until it got pushed back for covid, and then I was thinking about the appeal of the show, and of the main ship. Because sometimes I like to play this game with myself where I try to distill down the emotional appeal of something into the most basic "what is the fantasy" -- what are we tapping into, here, that makes this character dynamic tick. And the thing about Torchwood and Jack/Ianto is that it's the opposite of the softer world comic I linked above, it's the "He's Just Not That Into You" the MOVIE climax**, it's the fantasy that those unequal loves, the ones where you want someone so, so much, and they never seem to want you back -- that some day, the balance on those might even out into a happy-ever-after.

But the thing about that is that this is the thesis of the fandom -- it's definitely a stretch to say that the show ever gets close to saying that, and that's what I find so fascinating. It's always interesting when fandom loves a show as much for what they want it to be as for what it is, and it's stranger to realize which times I'm on board for that and which times I'm not. Because in real life, I genuinely fall a lot closer to the asofterworld comic view. To quote a Gilmore Girls commentfic I read in 2010, and which has never left my head ever since, though I've never been able to find it again, "sometimes they just don't love you." and as long as you feel good living with yourself, that's really, really okay. I say this as someone who's fairly comfortably single for something like seven years now, even though theoretically maybe some day I'd like to, like, fall in love again, or something. But sometimes I do still want the fantasy.

Anyway. Here goes the 'trying to post more regularly' thing. Talking this much about myself in a row makes me feel like an egomaniac. Tell me, what are your fandoms that always seem to drift back to relevance inside your head, friends?



**for the uninitiated, the self-help book He's Just Not That Into You urges its readers to stop chasing unattainable guys because if they actually liked you, they would make themselves able to be attained. The romcom titled for the book posits that while this is generally true, if the guy is fuckboy Justin Long the bartender and you are adorable-but-hapless Ginnifer Goodwin, then yeah, maybe one day you actually will be the exception to the rule, and he'll belatedly realize how much he loves and needs you. One wonders whether the book authors cared at all about this undermining of their message, or whether they were too busy enjoying their payout for it to care

OTHER MEDIA I'VE BEEN INTO LATELY:
Abbott Elementary!
-V cute in a sitcom way! Reminds me of early Parks&Rec in the balance between satire of mundane bureaucracy and x-treme silliness!
The Arkadians
-so a tree smashed through my mother's house and long story short I ended up with all of my remaining childhood stuff in my bedroom, and I'm doing a lil walking tour of some of kid!me's old favorites
Zoey Punches The Future In The Dick
-I really love that Jason Pargin is trying to take on the online right-wing radicalization of white guys because, honestly, with our society as sick as it is, someone's got to, and his fan demographics (myself aside) mean that he's well placed to address it. Also he's still hilarious.
Mad Max
-We watched the original last night, it was a TRIP, and also not nearly as dystopia as I was expecting? Felt like a v low-budget precursor to Fast&Furious franchise, which I dig
Once and Future
-Kieron Gillen comic, so already I'm probably on-board, but it takes on "how deeply emotionally important mythologies can feed into damaging ideologies" via "zombie King Arthur gets brought back by facists". Feat. a nightmare-fighting granny and her sweetheart of a buff-ass grandson.

Comments

[ainsley]

My fandom that never really goes away seems to be Sports Night. Not the Sorkin show my name would lead one to guess, but the heart wants what it wants.

[thewrongkindofpc]

Oh MAN, SPORTS NIGHT. There's something so very compelling and IDey about it -- it's like it's the distillation of a lot of things he likes to spin out in shows where they get more space elsewhere, but in SN he just packs it all in, everything he loves. I definitely find myself going back to it more often than a lot of things.